tarotgal

So this was my 6th LMoM. 6 times making the attempt and 6 times completing it. Have I ever won the vote? No. I'm the Susan Luci of pervy_werewolf. LMAO But I really couldn't care less about the voting. I kinda even forget it exists until it's over and the mod mentions it :-) This year I also made a bunch (25) user icons for participants, runners-up and winners. I'm actually pretty happy with most of the icons; they're not as crappy as my usual ones. I just wish I'd thought of the "I kept it up all month" catch phrase BEFORE I made them. But I'm pretty happy with the "I went all the way in the Lusty Month of May" slogan. Thank you, thank you *takes a bow*

This time around, I wrote another series. I find having a crutch helps significantly when writing for the month, because it is DIFFICULT to write a story and get it finished & posted EVERY single day for 31 days in a row. It's a much harder challenge for me than NaNoWriMo, because with that you can skip days and catch up later. If you miss a day in LMoM, you fail (at least, if you're doing Tier 1; thank goodness for the new Tier 2).

This year I was inspired by three things:
1. Someone posting a link to Wikipedia's wife-selling article (featured on April Fool's Day this year)
2. The collaring fics I've been reading lately in (mostly) the NCIS verse
3. The fics I am fascinated by in which characters are unable to speak/communicate verbally

I learned some fascinating things this time around...

*SPOILERS*
So the premise of my story was Rentboy!Remus unable to make ends meet and is forced to enlist in the Ministry's program for werewolves. They keep werewolves and sell them to owners (who typically buy them for sex and then trade them in for new ones). As I'm a puppy shipper at heart, the story assumes a past Remus/Sirius relationship but it takes place after the first war so he thinks Sirius is a traitor who killed the rest of their pack. The collars the owners put on their werewolves inhibit magic and speech (and keeps the werewolf from harming its owner). So there was lots to play with and, well, LOTS of hurting on Remus' part. But, midway through, Snape comes to the rescue. Snape is buying werewolves in order to work on a cure for something he fears. They end up developing feelings for each other and, in the end, Snape takes off Remus' collar and they live happily ever after. Until the epilogue when Remus is actually back with Sirius again (albeit 13 years later, so it's left up to the reader's imagination for the most past, regarding how that happened).

Despite the point of pervy_werewolf, the story wasn't supposed to be about the ships, but about Remus finding his strength and individuality and humor again after all this has happened to him. It's about learning how to trust again. It's about learning how to enjoy sex again. It's about Remus ending his self-punishment and guilt and becoming his own person. Remus goes through a very internal journey. And, in fact, so does Snape. The POV changes halfway through when Snape steps in and he (having been a death eater, having been almost killed by a werewolf, having told Voldy the prophecy that led to Lily's death) goes through a similar journey. I'm actually quite proud of what I accomplished this month. it's not perfect by any means but I put a LOT of layers and elements in there above the general plot and I'm really proud of what I did with the characters.

After I rec'ed a fic x_posed_again wrote for me at a HP meetup meeting, I came to the shocking realization that a LOT of the hurt/comfort I like is heavy on the hurt. As long as really good comfort is so much as implied, I am at peace with the story and filled with warm fuzzies. It didn't occur to me that other people need loads and loads of comfort to balance out the hurt. I think the problem is that I like the hurt as well. Nummy angsty, suffering boys make me happy! And snuggling characters? Also make me happy! So the whole thing is nummy to me. But other people like more of a balance, and I knew I was going to some really dark places with my story that included dub-con and non-con. So I decided on a half hurt and half comfort formula. And though the second part of the fic was also filled with angst and hurt, Remus WAS recovering under Snape's care. When I look back at it, yeah, it was still like 95% hurt. But there's a heck of a lot of snuggling as well. And even Remus is able to do some of the comforting, which he can do even if he can't talk.

But what was MOST interesting about this adventure was the response I got from people. I loved getting feedback on every chapter by readers every day. I write for myself, not for anyone else, but posting it and getting feedback teaches me a lot. And this month taught me about handling readers. As I mentioned above, I thought about them when I thought about the general structure of the hurt/comfort story, but there were other instances. One of Remus' owners does some very not good things to him, and ends up breaking Remus, making him retreat completely into his sub space and stay there as a mindless, obedient body. My readers were with me in NOT liking him one bit, and they demanded some retaliation. I hadn't even considered that when mapping out my story. I got so much feedback about people wanting to do bad things to the bad character that I realized I needed Remus to get to the point where he WANTED to retaliate as well. And I wanted Snape to want to retaliate too, to prove to Remus how he feels about the man. So that was something I added thanks to readers and am GLAD I did.

The biggest moment of reader interaction, however, came at the end. My story made the brains of the Snupin shippers explode. Seriously. People wrote and said I tore out their hearts. People wanted to magically castrate Sirius Black. People said they loved the story until the epilogue and then it became TERRIBLE (so... I guess I'm more like JKR than I intended to be? LOL). A few people were happy with the change. And most weren't happy but respected my choice and were glad Remus ended up happy. But, seriously, the EXPLOSION I got for feedback was amazing. I knew I was going to lose a few of the die-hard Snupin fans, but I never intended to tear out people's still beating hearts! It's really amazing. Seriously. Just take a look at the comments (scroll down to the comment section): http://asylums.insanejournal.com/pervy_werewolf/361825.html

It makes me wonder what I'd do if I were a real published author getting feedback from readers in RL. I'm not sure I could stand up to this sort of hatred of my decisions face-to-face. But this gives me good practice. I write for myself. And I post many things where people can read it. So this was amazing practice in dealing with readers as a whole and on a case-by-case basis. And I'm especially happy to have had that practice, even if I do feel bad for making people's heads explode. In the end, it's my story and my choice and I do think I accomplished what I wanted to do.